508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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