ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
