She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
