Just fell off a train. Bad.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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