i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
3pm strippers are depressing
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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