I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
