My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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