is your mom at the bar?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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