these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
