I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize