try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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