There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
