So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
