that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
