I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
