So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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