Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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