dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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