My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
