the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
