Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
