I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
