Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
