I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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