im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize