Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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