8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize