if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize