i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
