I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
