I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
