omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
