i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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