whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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