I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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