her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
