I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
