The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
