Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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