Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
