Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize