Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
