the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Green mimosas i think yes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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