that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
