I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
