before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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