I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
