well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
