I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize