I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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