I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
