His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
