eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
