if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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