so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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