know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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