I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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