Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
