Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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