OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
