yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
