the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize