the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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