Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
