my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
