well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
