Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
