You smell like stripper and shame
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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