I got chris browned last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
