I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
