maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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