Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
