I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Randomize
