apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize