Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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